<!--
//store the quotations in arrays
quotes = new Array(429); 
authors = new Array(429);  
 quotes[0] = "You do not get ulcers from what you eat. You get ulcers from what is eating you."
authors[0] = "Dr. Joseph P. Alvarez"
 quotes[1] = "You can close your eyes to reality but not to memories"
authors[1] = "Stanislaw J. Lec, Polish author (1909-1966)"
 quotes[2] = "Silence doesn't indicate wisdom. Knowing when to remain silent does."
authors[2] = ""
 quotes[3] = "You rear your child like you throw a ball. Give it the best start you can while it's in your hands, for it must go the rest of the way by itself."
authors[3] = ""
 quotes[4] = "A man who has made a mistake does not correct it by making another mistake."
authors[4] = ""
 quotes[5] = "The man who can anger you, conquers you."
authors[5] = ""
 quotes[6] = "It takes more brains today to work out income-tax returns than it does to make the income."
authors[6] = ""
 quotes[7] = "People who live beyond their means should act their wage."
authors[7] = ""
 quotes[8] = "To be capable of respect is almost as rare as to be worthy of it."
authors[8] = ""
 quotes[9] = "The two things opened most by mistake are the pocketbook and the mouth."
authors[9] = ""
 quotes[10] = "A successful politician is a man who can stand on a fence and make people believe it's a platform."
authors[10] = ""
 quotes[11] = "In prosperity, our friends know us; in adversity, we know our friends."
authors[11] = ""
 quotes[12] = "A leader doesn't have to worry about being on the right track. He makes the track."
authors[12] = ""
 quotes[13] = "Old age is when you buy a birthday cake, and the baker throws in he smoke alarm for free."
authors[13] = ""
 quotes[14] = "Memory is a wonderful thing; it enables you to remember a mistake each time you repeat it."
authors[14] = ""
 quotes[15] = "A fool and his money never appear when you need a loan."
authors[15] = ""
 quotes[16] = "A house is a place to store furniture. A home is a place to store memories."
authors[16] = ""
 quotes[17] = "The best way to entertain some folks is to sit down and listen to them."
authors[17] = ""
 quotes[18] = "He who critizes is seldom forgiven; he who encourages is seldom forgotten"
authors[18] = ""
 quotes[19] = "Growing old gracefully is just mind over matter-   if you don't mind, it doesn't matter"
authors[19] = ""
 quotes[20] = "Before giving other people a piece of your mind, make sure you can spare it."
authors[20] = ""
 quotes[21] = "Another great medical breakthrough would be the discovery that a patient's time is worth something."
authors[21] = ""
 quotes[22] = "A non-risk taker is a person who has more second thoughts than first ones."
authors[22] = ""
 quotes[23] = "A good storyteller is a person who has a good memory and hopes that other people do not."
authors[23] = ""
 quotes[24] = "Talk is cheap, because the supply is much greater than the demand."
authors[24] = ""
 quotes[25] = "Learning is a lasting treasure which accompanies its owner everywhere."
authors[25] = ""
 quotes[26] = "Laughter is a tranquilizer with no side effects"
authors[26] = "Arnold H. Glasow"
 quotes[27] = "An optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds; a pessimist fears this is true."
authors[27] = "James Cabell, American Novelist ((1879-1958)"
 quotes[28] = "The difference between the right word and nearly the right word is the same as that between lightening and lightening bug"
authors[28] = "Mark Twain"
 quotes[29] = "Smile. It takes only 13 muscles; a frown takes 64"
authors[29] = ""
 quotes[30] = "A painter should not paint what he sees, but what will be seen."
authors[30] = "Paul Valery"
 quotes[31] = "Why is it that every time you find something that you lost, it was always in the last place that you looked?"
authors[31] = "David Grund Sr."
 quotes[32] = "I feel more like I do now than when I first got here!"
authors[32] = "David Grund Sr."
 quotes[33] = "Everybody talks about the weather, but nobody does anything about it"
authors[33] = "Mark Twain"
 quotes[34] = "Sex is like a bridge game -- If you have a good hand no partner is needed."
authors[34] = ""
 quotes[35] = "A liberal is a man with two perfectly good legs who has never learned to walk."
authors[35] = "Franklin D. Roosevelt"
 quotes[36] = "A liberal is a man who believes that nothing should be done for the first time."
authors[36] = "Alfred E. Wiggam"
 quotes[37] = "Hackers do it with fewer instructions."
authors[37] = ""
 quotes[38] = "Statisticians probably do it."
authors[38] = ""
 quotes[39] = "Doctors take two aspirin and do it in the morning."
authors[39] = ""
 quotes[40] = "Bankers do it with interest (penalty for early withdrawal)."
authors[40] = ""
 quotes[41] = "Politicians do it to everyone."
authors[41] = ""
 quotes[42] = "Procrastinators do it tomorrow."
authors[42] = ""
 quotes[43] = "Prostitution is the only business where you can go into the hole and still come out ahead."
authors[43] = ""
 quotes[44] = "Vidi, vici, veni. (I saw, I conquered, I came.)"
authors[44] = ""
 quotes[45] = "You come out of a woman and you spend the rest of your life trying to get back inside."
authors[45] = "Heathcote Williams"
 quotes[46] = "The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer someone else up"
authors[46] = "Mark Twain"
 quotes[47] = "Why is it that there are so many more horses' asses than there are horses?"
authors[47] = "G. Gordon Liddy"
 quotes[48] = "Nine tenths of what is attributed to sexuality is the work of our magnificent ability to imagine, which is no longer an instinct but exactly the opposite: a creation."
authors[48] = " Jose Ortega Y Gasset (May 9, 1883), a Spanish philosopher and writer, Professor"
 quotes[49] = "Money it turned out was exactly like sex ... you thought of nothing else if you didn't have it, and thought of other things if you did."
authors[49] = "---James Baldwin"
 quotes[50] = "Take criticism constructively. Choose to be enlightened, not insulted."
authors[50] = "---David Grund Sr"
 quotes[51] = "Wise men talk because they have something to say. Fools talk because they have to say something."
authors[51] = "Plato"
 quotes[52] = "The wise individual doesn't get too attached to any of life's pleasures, knowing that wonderful science is hard at work proving it's bad for him."
authors[52] = "Bill Vaughan"
 quotes[53] = "Taking the bull by the horns is often a sound course of action- as long as you and the bull agree on when you can let go."
authors[53] = "Robert Fuoss"
 quotes[54] = "Bees are very busy souls. They have no time for birth controls. And that is why in times like these. There are so many sons of bees."
authors[54] = ""
 quotes[55] = "The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues."
authors[55] = "Elizabeth Taylor"
 quotes[56] = "A sweater is a garment worn by a child when his mother feels chilly."
authors[56] = "Anon"
 quotes[57] = "Be advised that all flatterers live at the expense of those who listen to them."
authors[57] = "Jean de La Fontaine"
 quotes[58] = "When the fine eyes of a woman are veiled with tears, it is the man who no longer sees clearly"
authors[58] = "Achille Tournier"
 quotes[59] = "My interest is in the future because I am going to spend the rest of my life there."
authors[59] = "Charles F. Kettering"
 quotes[60] = "A patriotic American likes to discuss the Constitution of the United States despite the fact he has never taken the time to read it."
authors[60] = "Anon"
 quotes[61] = "I think that people want peace so much that one of these days government had better get out of their way and let them have it."
authors[61] = "Dwight D. Eisenhower"
 quotes[62] = "Only a mediocre person is always at his best"
authors[62] = "W. Somerset Maugham"
 quotes[63] = "Even if you are on the right track, you'll get run over of you just sit there."
authors[63] = "Will Rogers"
 quotes[64] = "We can't all be heroes... because someone has to sit on the curb and clap as they go by."
authors[64] = "Will Rogers"
 quotes[65] = "Alexander Hamilton started the U.S. treasury with nothing- and that was the closest our country has ever been to being even."
authors[65] = "Will Rogers"
 quotes[66] = "The man with the best job in the U.S. is the vice president. All he has to do is get up every morning an say How is the president?"
authors[66] = "Will Rogers"
 quotes[67] = "It's better to be silent and thought a fool than speak and remove all doubt"
authors[67] = "Abraham Lincoln"
 quotes[68] = "A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining and wants it back the minute it begins to rain."
authors[68] = "Mark Twain"
 quotes[69] = "A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's written on"
authors[69] = "Samuel Goldwyn"
 quotes[70] = "You must learn day by day, year by year, to broaden your horizons. The more things you love, the more you are interested in, the more you enjoy, the more you are indignant about, the more you have left when anything happens."
authors[70] = " Ethel Barrymore"
 quotes[71] = "Don't sweat petty things, or pet sweaty things"
authors[71] = ""
 quotes[72] = "Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks"
authors[72] = ""
 quotes[73] = "Borrow money only from pessimists-- they don't expect to get it back."
authors[73] = ""
 quotes[74] = "If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?"
authors[74] = ""
 quotes[75] = "Who is General Failure, and why is he trying to read my floppy drive?"
authors[75] = ""
 quotes[76] = "What happens if you get scared half to death twice?"
authors[76] = ""
 quotes[77] = "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder. Your auto mechanic"
authors[77] = ""
 quotes[78] = "Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark"
authors[78] = ""
 quotes[79] = "How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?"
authors[79] = ""
 quotes[80] = "Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?"
authors[80] = ""
 quotes[81] = "Double your drive space: delete Windows!"
authors[81] = ""
 quotes[82] = "Ever notice how fast Windows runs? Hey, neither did I!"
authors[82] = ""
 quotes[83] = "Windows multi-tasking: screwing up several things at once"
authors[83] = ""
 quotes[84] = "Windows NT: Windows Nice Try"
authors[84] = ""
 quotes[85] = "Windows: Turn your Pentium into an XT"
authors[85] = ""
 quotes[86] = "Windows: The Gates of hell"
authors[86] = ""
 quotes[87] = "Windows: The colorful clown suit for DOS"
authors[87] = ""
 quotes[88] = "Windows: So intuitive, you only need 3mb of help files"
authors[88] = ""
 quotes[89] = "Windows: XT emulator for an AT"
authors[89] = ""
 quotes[90] = "Windows NT: Insert wallet into Drive A and press any key to empty"
authors[90] = ""
 quotes[91] = "Windows 95: New look, same multicrashing"
authors[91] = ""
 quotes[92] = "Windows isn't a virus. A virus actually does something."
authors[92] = ""
 quotes[93] = "Windows: From the people that brought you EDLIN"
authors[93] = ""
 quotes[94] = "Are you using Windows or is that just a slow XT?"
authors[94] = ""
 quotes[95] = "Breaking Windows isn't just for kids anymore"
authors[95] = ""
 quotes[96] = "Bugs come in through open windows"
authors[96] = ""
 quotes[97] = "Masochist: Windows programmer with a smile"
authors[97] = ""
 quotes[98] = "There is only one way to degrade mankind permanently, and that is to destroy language"
authors[98] = "Northrop Frye"
 quotes[99] = "To alcohol... the cause of, and solution to all life's problems"
authors[99] = "Homer Simpson"
 quotes[100] = "Why not be oneself. That is the whole secret of a successful appearance. If one is a greyhound, why try to look like a Pekinese?"
authors[100] = "Edith Sitwell"
 quotes[101] = "If it was woman who put man out of Paradise, it is still woman, and woman only, who can lead him back in."
authors[101] = "Albert E. Hubbard"
 quotes[102] = "The reason that husbands and wives do not understand each other is because they belong to different sexes"
authors[102] = "Dorothy Dix"
 quotes[103] = "Be nice to your enemies; they'll wonder what you're up to."
authors[103] = "(unknown)"
 quotes[104] = "If you choose to look different, don't complain about being treated differently."
authors[104] = "David Grund Sr."
 quotes[105] = "Deja Moo: the feeling that you've heard this bull before."
authors[105] = ""
 quotes[106] = "If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you"
authors[106] = ""
 quotes[107] = "Comforting law of gravity for heady drinkers: You cannot fall off the floor."
authors[107] = ""
 quotes[108] = "The average woman would rather have beauty than brains because most men can see better than they can think."
authors[108] = ""
 quotes[109] = "Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet"
authors[109] = "Robin Williams"
 quotes[110] = "Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place."
authors[110] = "Billy Crystal"
 quotes[111] = "You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you this look that says, 'My God, you're right! I never would've thought of that!'"
authors[111] = "Dave Barry"
 quotes[112] = "According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgemental, where, of course, men are just grateful."
authors[112] = "Jay Leno"
 quotes[113] = "If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten."
authors[113] = "George Carlin"
 quotes[114] = "I am a marvelous housekeeper.  Every time I leave a man I keep his house."
authors[114] = "Zsa Zsa Gabor"
 quotes[115] = "The problem with the designated driver program, it's not a desirable job.  But if you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun with it.  At the end of the night, drop them off at the wrong house."
authors[115] = "Jeff Foxworthy"
 quotes[116] = "There never was a time when, in my opinion, some way could not be found to prevent the drawing of the sword."
authors[116] = "Ulysses S. Grant"
 quotes[117] = "If you don't know what you are doing, deal with people who do."
authors[117] = "Jerry Pournelle"
 quotes[118] = "Don't count your chickens before they hatch."
authors[118] = "Aesop"
 quotes[119] = "If the minimum wasn't good enough, it wouldn't be the minimum. SOS motto."
authors[119] = "anon"
 quotes[120] = "If it's not due tomorrow, it's not critical"
authors[120] = " anon"
 quotes[121] = "It works better if you plug it in."
authors[121] = "Sattinger"
 quotes[122] = "I will go anywhere, provided it is forward."
authors[122] = " D. Livingstone"
 quotes[123] = "You can't have too many examples."
authors[123] = "Pournelle's Law of documentation"
 quotes[124] = "The future just ain't what it used to be."
authors[124] = "W. C. Fields"
 quotes[125] = "Information is the currency of democracy"
authors[125] = "Thomas Jefferson"
 quotes[126] = "Mothers are fonder than fathers of their children because they are more certain they are their own."
authors[126] = "Aristotle"
 quotes[127] = "Work expands to fill the time available for its completion."
authors[127] = "C. Northcote Parkinson"
 quotes[128] = "When all else fails, read the instructions."
authors[128] = "Cann"
 quotes[129] = "The first myth of management, is that it exists."
authors[129] = "Heller's Law"
 quotes[130] = "If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong."
authors[130] = "Murphy's Fourth Law"
 quotes[131] = "Things get worse under pressure."
authors[131] = "Murphy's Law of Thermodynamics"
 quotes[132] = "Variables won't; Constants aren't."
authors[132] = "Osborne's Law"
 quotes[133] = "Crime will be committed as long as criminals aren't."
authors[133] = "Bill Dana"
 quotes[134] = "Military Intelligence is a contradiction in terms."
authors[134] = "Groucho Marx"
 quotes[135] = "When in charge, ponder. When in trouble, delegate. When in doubt, mumble."
authors[135] = "J. Boren"
 quotes[136] = "Truth has got to be stranger than fiction. Fiction has to make sense."
authors[136] = "anon"
 quotes[137] = "Dave Grund's birthday is December 22"
authors[137] = "Mom Grund"
 quotes[138] = "What was once thought can never be unthought"
authors[138] = "Friedrich Durrenmatt, Swiss Author"
 quotes[139] = "Obstacles are those frightful things that you see when you take your eyes off the goal"
authors[139] = "Hannah More, English author and social reformer (1745-1833)"
 quotes[140] = "If decisions were a choice between alternatives, they would come easy. Decision is the selection and formulation of alternatives."
authors[140] = ""
 quotes[141] = "A man without religion is like a fish without a bicycle."
authors[141] = ""
 quotes[142] = "The price of freedom or religion or of speech or of the press is that we must put up with, and even pay for, a good deal of rubbish."
authors[142] = "Robert Jackson, U.S. Supreme Court Justice (1892-1954)"
 quotes[143] = "A man who is afraid will do anything"
authors[143] = "Jawaharial Nehru"
 quotes[144] = "Humor distorts nothing, and only false gods are laughed off their earthly pedestals."
authors[144] = "Agnes Repplier, American essayist (1858-1950)"
 quotes[145] = "We'd all like t' vote fer th' best man, but he's never a candidate."
authors[145] = " Kim Hubbard (Frank McKinney), American humorist and journalist (1868-1930)"
 quotes[146] = "Men almost always hate what they envy most."
authors[146] = "H. L. Mencken, American journalist and satirist (1880-1956)"
 quotes[147] = "Make hast slowly"
authors[147] = "Caesar Augustus, Roman Emperor (63 B.C.- A.D.14)"
 quotes[148] = "Life is what happens to us while we are making other plans"
authors[148] = "Allen Saunders, American cartoonist (1899-1985)"
 quotes[149] = "Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm"
authors[149] = "American author Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-82)"
 quotes[150] = "Adults are obsolete children"
authors[150] = "Dr. Seuss"
 quotes[151] = "Immorality: The Morality of those who are having a better time"
authors[151] = "H. L. Mencken"
 quotes[152] = "Program (n)- A magic spell cast over a computer allowing it to turn one's input into error messages."
authors[152] = ""
 quotes[153] = "Programming (n)- A pasttime similar to banging one's head against a wall, but with fewer opportunities for reward."
authors[153] = ""
 quotes[154] = "And if you're free to make a choice..."
authors[154] = "Elton John, from 'Nikita'"
 quotes[155] = "There is only one thing in the world worse than being talked about; that is not being talked about"
authors[155] = "Oscar Wilde"
 quotes[156] = "A leading authority is anyone who has guessed right more than once"
authors[156] = ""
 quotes[157] = "People of integrity expect to be believed. They also know time will prove them right and are willing to wait."
authors[157] = "Ann Landers"
 quotes[158] = "3-1/2 inches hard is better than 5-1/4 inches floppy."
authors[158] = ""
 quotes[159] = "A dead pitbull is a good pitbull."
authors[159] = ""
 quotes[160] = "A friend in need is a pest indeed."
authors[160] = ""
 quotes[161] = "A man of few words, Lets..Willya..Lemme"
authors[161] = ""
 quotes[162] = "An expert is someone from out of town."
authors[162] = ""
 quotes[163] = "Asphalt: rectal trouble"
authors[163] = ""
 quotes[164] = "Blood is thicker than water--and much tastier"
authors[164] = ""
 quotes[165] = "Calm down. It's only ones and zeros."
authors[165] = ""
 quotes[166] = "Everyone is entitled to my opinion."
authors[166] = ""
 quotes[167] = "Humpty Dumpty was pushed"
authors[167] = ""
 quotes[168] = "I can accept constructive criticism of you"
authors[168] = ""
 quotes[169] = "I can resist everything except temptation"
authors[169] = ""
 quotes[170] = "If at first you don't succeed, call it Version 2"
authors[170] = ""
 quotes[171] = "If Version 1.0 works someone goofed..."
authors[171] = ""
 quotes[172] = "Liposuction will destroy your FAT"
authors[172] = ""
 quotes[173] = "No amount of planning will replace dumb luck."
authors[173] = ""
 quotes[174] = "Life is a bed of roses, but watch out for the pricks."
authors[174] = ""
 quotes[175] = "Experience is what you get when you don't get what you want."
authors[175] = ""
 quotes[176] = "Diplomacy is the art of letting someone else get your way"
authors[176] = ""
 quotes[177] = "The best vitamin for making friends, B-1"
authors[177] = ""
 quotes[178] = "If you don't care where you're going, any road will get you there"
authors[178] = ""
 quotes[179] = "A pint of example is worth a gallon of advice"
authors[179] = ""
 quotes[180] = "He who throws mud loses ground"
authors[180] = ""
 quotes[181] = "Nobody raises his own reputation by lowering others"
authors[181] = ""
 quotes[182] = "Nothing ruins the truth like stretching it"
authors[182] = ""
 quotes[183] = "A smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks"
authors[183] = ""
 quotes[184] = "Ideas won't work unless you do"
authors[184] = ""
 quotes[185] = "The future is purchased by the present"
authors[185] = ""
 quotes[186] = "One thing you can't recycle is wasted time"
authors[186] = ""
 quotes[187] = "Lost time is never found again"
authors[187] = ""
 quotes[188] = "A hard thing about business is minding your own"
authors[188] = ""
 quotes[189] = "Triumph is just 'umph' added to try"
authors[189] = ""
 quotes[190] = "Caution is not cowardly, carelessness is not courage"
authors[190] = ""
 quotes[191] = "He who forgives ends the quarrel"
authors[191] = ""
 quotes[192] = "Children need more models than critics"
authors[192] = ""
 quotes[193] = "Frogs have it easy: they can eat what bugs them"
authors[193] = ""
 quotes[194] = "Pursuit of happiness is the chase of a lifetime"
authors[194] = ""
 quotes[195] = "If the going gets easy, you may be going downhill"
authors[195] = ""
 quotes[196] = "Dieters: people who are thick, and tired of it"
authors[196] = ""
 quotes[197] = "Jumping to conclusions can be a bad exercise"
authors[197] = ""
 quotes[198] = "The best labor-saving device is doing it tomorrow"
authors[198] = ""
 quotes[199] = "A turtle makes progress when it sticks its neck out"
authors[199] = ""
 quotes[200] = "Failure is the path of least persistence"
authors[200] = ""
 quotes[201] = "Hard work is the yeast that raises the dough"
authors[201] = ""
 quotes[202] = "Patience is counting down without blasting off"
authors[202] = ""
 quotes[203] = "Some folks won't look up until they are flat on their backs"
authors[203] = ""
 quotes[204] = "If you want your dreams to come true, don't oversleep"
authors[204] = ""
 quotes[205] = "Friend: One who knows all about you, but likes you anyway"
authors[205] = ""
 quotes[206] = "Money talks, and often just says, 'Goodbye'"
authors[206] = ""
 quotes[207] = "Birds have bills, too, but they keep on singing"
authors[207] = ""
 quotes[208] = "A good example is the best sermon"
authors[208] = ""
 quotes[209] = "'Well-done' is better than well-said"
authors[209] = ""
 quotes[210] = "Minds are like parachutes: they function only when open"
authors[210] = ""
 quotes[211] = "Live as you wish your kids would"
authors[211] = ""
 quotes[212] = "Swallowing your pride seldom leads to indigestion"
authors[212] = ""
 quotes[213] = "If you can laugh at it, then you can live with it"
authors[213] = ""
 quotes[214] = "People don't fail; they give up"
authors[214] = ""
 quotes[215] = "When looking for faults, use a mirror, and not a telescope"
authors[215] = ""
 quotes[216] = "Kindness: a language deaf people can hear, and one the blind can see."
authors[216] = ""
 quotes[217] = "The heaviest thing to carry: a grudge"
authors[217] = ""
 quotes[218] = "A smooth sea never made a skillful sailor"
authors[218] = ""
 quotes[219] = "A small leak can sink a great ship"
authors[219] = ""
 quotes[220] = "You can't direct the wind, but you can adjust your sails"
authors[220] = ""
 quotes[221] = "We lie loudest when we lie to ourselves"
authors[221] = ""
 quotes[222] = "Tact is the ability to see others as they wish to be seen"
authors[222] = ""
 quotes[223] = "A bad conscience has a very good memory"
authors[223] = ""
 quotes[224] = "Hug your kids at home; belt them in the car"
authors[224] = ""
 quotes[225] = "One thing that you can give, and still keep, is your word"
authors[225] = ""
 quotes[226] = "A friend walks in when everyone else walks out"
authors[226] = ""
 quotes[227] = "If you must cry over spilled milk, try to condense it"
authors[227] = ""
 quotes[228] = "Behavior is the mirror in which everyone shows their image"
authors[228] = ""
 quotes[229] = "Make friends before you need them"
authors[229] = ""
 quotes[230] = "It's not the load that breaks you down, it's the way you carry it"
authors[230] = ""
 quotes[231] = "The smallest good deed is better than the grandest intention"
authors[231] = ""
 quotes[232] = "Success is more attitude than aptitude"
authors[232] = ""
 quotes[233] = "Our favorite attitude should be gratitude"
authors[233] = ""
 quotes[234] = "Too many of us speak twice before we think"
authors[234] = ""
 quotes[235] = "Some people develop eyestrain looking for trouble"
authors[235] = ""
 quotes[236] = "Everyone has 20/20 hindsight"
authors[236] = ""
 quotes[237] = "The happiness of your life depends on the quality of your thoughts"
authors[237] = ""
 quotes[238] = "It is much easier to be critical than to be correct"
authors[238] = ""
 quotes[239] = "It is no crime not to be perfect"
authors[239] = ""
 quotes[240] = "If others have sinned, you need not mention it"
authors[240] = ""
 quotes[241] = "No man knows less than the man who knows it all"
authors[241] = ""
 quotes[242] = "Patience carries a lot of wait"
authors[242] = ""
 quotes[243] = "One who lacks the courage to start is already finished"
authors[243] = ""
 quotes[244] = "A quitter never wins; a winner never quits"
authors[244] = ""
 quotes[245] = "Action speaks louder than words, but not nearly as often"
authors[245] = ""
 quotes[246] = "Failing to prepare, we prepare to fail"
authors[246] = ""
 quotes[247] = "Past failures are guideposts for future successes"
authors[247] = ""
 quotes[248] = "There is no right way to do a wrong thing"
authors[248] = ""
 quotes[249] = "Seek joy in what you give, not in what you get"
authors[249] = ""
 quotes[250] = "Success comes in cans, failure comes in cants"
authors[250] = ""
 quotes[251] = "Anger is one letter short of danger"
authors[251] = ""
 quotes[252] = "The greatest remedy for anger is delay"
authors[252] = ""
 quotes[253] = "2/3 of promotion is motion"
authors[253] = ""
 quotes[254] = "Having a sharp tongue can cut your own throat"
authors[254] = ""
 quotes[255] = "Of all the things you wear, your expression is the most important"
authors[255] = ""
 quotes[256] = "There is a time to let things happen and a time to make things happen...Hugh Prather"
authors[256] = ""
 quotes[257] = "Don't complain about what Mother Nature has given you; rather you should complain about what you have done WITH what Mother Nature has given you."
authors[257] = "David Grund Sr."
 quotes[258] = "Think like a man of action, and act like a man of thought."
authors[258] = "Henri Bergson, French philosopher (1859-1941)."
 quotes[259] = "When Columbus started out, he didn't know where he was going; when he got there, he didn't know where he was; and when he got back, he didn't know where he had been."
authors[259] = "General"
 quotes[260] = "Freedom's just another word for 'Nothing left to lose.' From 'Me and Bobby McGee', by Janis Joplin"
authors[260] = "General"
 quotes[261] = "I smile because I have no idea what's going on"
authors[261] = "General"
 quotes[262] = "It's easy to win when you are unopposed."
authors[262] = "Dave Grund"
 quotes[263] = "One couple is, two couples ARE."
authors[263] = "Dave Grund"
 quotes[264] = "Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?"
authors[264] = "(oikebook)"
 quotes[265] = "A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity, an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty."
authors[265] = "Winston Churchill"
 quotes[266] = "I have kleptomania, but when it gets bad, I take something for it."
authors[266] = ""
 quotes[267] = "I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in."
authors[267] = ""
 quotes[268] = "I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people are just bastards"
authors[268] = ""
 quotes[269] = "I've learned that it's not what you have in your life that counts, but how much you have in your bank accounts."
authors[269] = ""
 quotes[270] = "Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings; they did it by killing all those who opposed them."
authors[270] = ""
 quotes[271] = "If you can stay calm, while all around you is chaos... then you probably haven't completely understood the seriousness of the situation."
authors[271] = ""
 quotes[272] = "In just two days, tomorrow will be yesterday."
authors[272] = ""
 quotes[273] = "Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing"
authors[273] = ""
 quotes[274] = "It's not an optical illusion; it just looks like one."
authors[274] = ""
 quotes[275] = "There are two rules for success. 1) Never tell everything you know."
authors[275] = "" 
 quotes[276] = "Trying is the first step toward failure"
authors[276] = "Homer Simpson"
 quotes[277] = "The minute you settle for less than you deserve, you get even less than you settled for."
authors[277] = "Maureen Down in NY Times"
 quotes[278] = "If you are a spectator, does that mean you spectate?"
authors[278] = "David Grund Sr"
 quotes[279] = "There's no place like homepage"
authors[279] = ""
 quotes[280] = "Home is where you hang your @"
authors[280] = ""
 quotes[281] = "The geek shall inherit the earth,"
authors[281] = ""
 quotes[282] = "Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside a dog, it's too dark to read."
authors[282] = "Groucho Marx"
 quotes[283] = "There's no 'I' in TEAM! But there IS an 'M' and an 'E'!"
authors[283] = "(popular)"
 quotes[284] = "Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able? Then he is not omnipotent. Is he able, but not willing? Then he is malevolent. Is he both able and willing? Then whence cometh evil? Is he neither able nor willing? Then why call him God?"
authors[284] = "Epicurus"
 quotes[285] = "I can read between the lines, but I can't read minds"
authors[285] = "David Grund Sr."
 quotes[286] = "As it turns out, now is the moment you've been waiting for."
authors[286] = ""
 quotes[287] = "An optimist stays up until midnight to see the New Year in. A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves."
authors[287] = "Bill Vaughan"
 quotes[288] = "There are no regrets in life, just lessons."
authors[288] = "Jennifer Aniston"
 quotes[289] = "My wife and I had words, but I didn't get to use mine."
authors[289] = ""
 quotes[290] = "There are three secrets of success in public speaking: be sincere, be brief, and be seated."
authors[290] = ""
 quotes[291] = "How come wrong numbers are never busy?"
authors[291] = ""
 quotes[292] = "The longest one-syllable word in the English language is 'screeched.'"
authors[292] = ""
 quotes[293] = "'Dreamt' is the only English word that ends in the letters 'mt.'"
authors[293] = ""
 quotes[294] = "The symbol on the 'pound' key (#) is called an octothorpe."
authors[294] = ""
 quotes[295] = "The dot over the letter 'i' is called a tittle."
authors[295] = ""
 quotes[296] = "The word 'set' has more definitions than any other word in the English language."
authors[296] = ""
 quotes[297] = "'Underground' is the only word in the English language that begins and ends with the letters 'und.'"
authors[297] = ""
 quotes[298] = "There are only four words in the English language which end in '-dous':  tremendous, horrendous, stupendous and hazardous."
authors[298] = ""
 quotes[299] = "The longest word in the English language,  according to the Oxford  English Dictionary, is pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis."
authors[299] = ""
 quotes[300] = "The longest place-name still in use is : 'Taumatawhakatangihangakoauauotamateaturipukakapikimaungahoronukupokaiwenuakitnatahu', a New Zealand hill."
authors[300] = ""
 quotes[301] = "Los Angeles's full name is 'El Pueblo de Nuestra Senora la Reina de los Angeles de Porciuncula' and can be abbreviated to 3.63% of  its size, 'L.A.'"
authors[301] = ""
 quotes[302] = "Alfred Hitchcock didn't have a belly button.  It was eliminated when  he was sewn up after surgery"
authors[302] = ""
 quotes[303] = "Telly Savalas and Louis Armstrong died on their birthdays."
authors[303] = ""
 quotes[304] = "Donald Duck's middle name is Fauntleroy."
authors[304] = ""
 quotes[305] = "The muzzle of a lion is like a fingerprint  -no two lions have the same pattern of whiskers."
authors[305] = "" 
 quotes[306] = "A pregnant goldfish is called a twit."
authors[306] = ""
 quotes[307] = "The Ramses brand condom is named after the great pharaoh Ramses II who fathered over 160 children."
authors[307] = ""
 quotes[308] = "Money isn't made out of paper; it's made out of cotton."
authors[308] = ""
 quotes[309] = "A rat can last longer without water than a camel."
authors[309] = ""
 quotes[310] = "Your stomach has to produce a new layer of mucus every two weeks otherwise it will digest itself."
authors[310] = ""
 quotes[311] = "The Declaration of Independence was written on hemp paper."
authors[311] = ""
 quotes[312] = "A raisin dropped in a glass of fresh champagne will bounce up and down continually from the bottom of the glass to the top."
authors[312] = ""
 quotes[314] = "A female ferret will die if it goes into heat and cannot find a mate."
authors[314] = ""
 quotes[315] = " A duck's quack doesn't echo. No one knows why."
authors[315] = "" 
 quotes[316] = " A 2x4 is 1 1/2 x 3 1/2."
authors[316] = ""
 quotes[317] = "40% of McDonald's profits come from the sales of Happy Meals."
authors[317] = ""
 quotes[318] = "Every person has a unique tongue print."
authors[318] = ""
 quotes[319] = "The 'spot' on 7UP comes from its inventor who had red eyes. He was albino."
authors[319] = ""
 quotes[320] = "During the chariot scene in 'Ben Hur' a small red car can be seen in the distance."
authors[320] = ""
 quotes[321] = "John Wilkes Booth's brother once saved the life of Abraham Lincoln's son."
authors[321] = ""
 quotes[322] = "Warren Beatty and Shirley MacLaine are brother and sister."
authors[322] = ""
 quotes[323] = "Chocolate kills dogs! True, chocolate affects a dog's heart and nervous system, a few ounces, enough to kill a small sized dog."
authors[323] = ""
 quotes[324] = "Daniel Boone detested coonskin caps."
authors[324] = ""
 quotes[325] = "Playing cards were issued to British pilots in WWII. If captured, they could be soaked in water and unfolded to reveal a map for escape."
authors[325] = ""
 quotes[326] = "Donald Duck comics were banned from Finland because he doesn't wear pants."
authors[326] = ""
 quotes[327] = "Ketchup was sold in the 1830s as medicine."
authors[327] = ""
 quotes[328] = "Leonardo da Vinci could write with one hand and draw with the other at the same time."
authors[328] = ""
 quotes[329] = "Because metal was scarce, the Oscars given out during World War II were made of wood."
authors[329] = ""
 quotes[330] = "The number of possible ways of playing the first four moves per side in a game of chess is 318,979,564,000."
authors[330] = ""
 quotes[331] = "Upper and lower case letters are named 'upper' and 'lower', because in the time when all original print had to be set in individual letters, the 'uppercase' letters were stored in the case on top of the case that stored the smaller, 'lower case' letters."
authors[331] = ""
 quotes[332] = "There are no words in the dictionary that rhyme with: orange, purple and silver!"
authors[332] = ""
 quotes[333] = "The numbers '172' can be found on the back of the U.S. $5 dollar bill in the bushes at the base of the Lincoln Memorial."
authors[333] = ""
 quotes[334] = "There are four cars and eleven light posts on the back of a $10 dollar bill."
authors[334] = ""
 quotes[335] = "Leonardo Da Vinci invented scissors; also, it took him 10 years to paint Mona Lisa's lips."
authors[335] = ""
 quotes[336] = "If one places a tiny amount of liquor on a scorpion, it will instantly go mad and sting itself to death."
authors[336] = ""
 quotes[337] = "Bruce Lee was so fast they actually had to SLOW a film down so you could see his moves. That's the opposite of the norm."
authors[337] = ""
 quotes[338] = "If you have three quarters, four dimes, and four pennies, you have $1.19. You also have the largest amount of money in coins without being able to make change for a dollar."
authors[338] = ""
 quotes[339] = "The first CD pressed in the US was Bruce Springsteen's 'Born in the USA'."
authors[339] = ""
 quotes[340] = "The mask used by Michael Myers in the original Halloween was actually a Captain Kirk mask painted white."
authors[340] = ""
 quotes[341] = "The original name for the butterfly was 'flutterby'!"
authors[341] = ""
 quotes[342] = "The phrase 'rule of thumb' is derived from an old English law, which stated that you couldn't beat your wife with anything wider than your thumb."
authors[342] = ""
 quotes[343] = "The first product Motorola started to develop was a record player for automobiles. At that time the most known player on the market was the Victrola, so they called themselves Motorola."
authors[343] = ""
 quotes[344] = "Roses MAY BE red, but violets ARE, indeed, violet."
authors[344] = ""
 quotes[345] = "By raising your legs slowly and lying on your back, you can't sink in quicksand."
authors[345] = ""
 quotes[346] = "Casey Kasem is the voice of Shaggy on Scooby-Doo."
authors[346] = ""
 quotes[347] = "Celery has negative calories! It takes more calories to eat a piece of celery than the celery has in it to begin with."
authors[347] = ""
 quotes[348] = "Charlie Chaplin once won third prize in a Charlie Chaplin look alike contest."
authors[348] = ""
 quotes[349] = "In Gulliver's Travels Jonathan Swift described the two moons of Mars, Phobos and Deimos, giving their exact size and speeds of rotation. He did this more than 100 years before either moon was discovered."
authors[349] = ""
 quotes[350] = "Chewing gum while peeling onions will keep you from crying!"
authors[350] = ""
 quotes[351] = "Sherlock Holmes NEVER said Elementary, my dear Watson."
authors[351] = ""
 quotes[352] = "An old law in Bellingham, Wash., made it illegal for a woman to take more than 3 steps backwards while dancing."
authors[352] = ""
 quotes[353] = "The glue on Israeli postage stamps is certified kosher."
authors[353] = ""
 quotes[354] = "Guinness Book of Records holds the record for being the book most often stolen from Public Libraries."
authors[354] = ""
 quotes[355] = "Astronauts are not allowed to eat beans before they go into space because passing wind in a spacesuit damages them."
authors[355] = ""
 quotes[356] = "Back in the mid to late 80's, an IBM compatible computer wasn't considered a hundred percent compatible unless it could run Microsoft's Flight Simulator."
authors[356] = ""
 quotes[357] = "Bats always turn left when exiting a cave!"
authors[357] = ""
 quotes[358] = "A day without sunshine is like� night."
authors[358] = ""
 quotes[359] = "Save the whales. Collect the whole set!"
authors[359] = ""
 quotes[360] = "On the other hand, you have different fingers."
authors[360] = ""
 quotes[361] = "Remember: half the people you know are below average."
authors[361] = ""
 quotes[362] = "He who laughs last thinks the slowest."
authors[362] = ""
 quotes[363] = "Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm"
authors[363] = ""
 quotes[364] = "Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have"
authors[364] = ""
 quotes[365] = "OK, so what's the speed of dark?"
authors[365] = ""
 quotes[366] = "Every one has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film"
authors[366] = ""
 quotes[367] = "Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened."
authors[367] = ""
 quotes[368] = "Life isn't like a box of chocolates . . . It 's more like a jar of jalapenos. What you do today, might burn your butt tomorrow."
authors[368] = ""
 quotes[369] = "A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion."
authors[369] = ""
 quotes[370] = "If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed."
authors[370] = ""
 quotes[371] = "A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat."
authors[371] = ""
 quotes[372] = "When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane."
authors[372] = ""
 quotes[373] = "Everyone has photographic memory. Some just don't have as much film."
authors[373] = ""
 quotes[374] = "Learning to ignore things is one fo the great paths to inner peace."
authors[374] = ""
 quotes[375] = "You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it."
authors[375] = ""
 quotes[376] = "A lot of that money is tainted. Taint yours, and it taint mine."
authors[376] = ""
 quotes[377] = "The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large."
authors[377] = ""
 quotes[378] = "OK,,, so what's the speed of dark?"
authors[378] = ""
 quotes[379] = "I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes."
authors[379] = ""
 quotes[380] = "Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant."
authors[380] = ""
 quotes[381] = "The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement."
authors[381] = ""
 quotes[382] = "Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway."
authors[382] = ""
 quotes[383] = "There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead."
authors[383] = ""
 quotes[384] = "Life is sexually transmitted."
authors[384] = ""
 quotes[385] = "Some people are like Slinkies. Not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs."
authors[385] = ""
 quotes[386] = "Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?"
authors[386] = ""
 quotes[387] = "All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism."
authors[387] = ""
 quotes[388] = "In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal."
authors[388] = ""
 quotes[389] = "How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?"
authors[389] = ""
 quotes[390] = "If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?"
authors[390] = ""
 quotes[391] = "Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!"
authors[391] = ""
 quotes[392] = "If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?"
authors[392] = ""
 quotes[393] = "If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?"
authors[393] = ""
 quotes[394] = "Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?"
authors[394] = ""
 quotes[395] = "Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you but when you take him on, a, car ride, he sticks, his head out thee window?"
authors[395] = ""
 quotes[396] = "Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?"
authors[396] = ""
 quotes[397] = "Why doesn't glue! stick to the inside of the bottle?"
authors[397] = ""
 quotes[398] = "Don't cry because it is over, smile because it happened."
authors[398] = ""
 quotes[399] = "Some people are alive only because it`s illegal to kill them."
authors[399] = ""
 quotes[400] = "Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder."
authors[400] = ""
 quotes[401] = "She is not a BABE or a CHICK - She is a BREASTED AMERICAN."
authors[401] = ""
 quotes[402] = "She is not EASY - She is HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE."
authors[402] = ""
 quotes[403] = "She is not DUMB - She is a DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY."
authors[403] = ""
 quotes[404] = "She has not BEEN AROUND - She is a PREVIOUSLY ENJOYED COMPANION."
authors[404] = ""
 quotes[405] = "She is not an AIRHEAD - She is REALITY IMPAIRED."
authors[405] = ""
 quotes[406] = "She does not get DRUNK or TIPSY - She gets CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED."
authors[406] = ""
 quotes[407] = "She does not have BREAST IMPLANTS - She is SURGICALLY ENHANCED."
authors[407] = ""
 quotes[408] = "She does not NAG YOU - She becomes VERBALLY REPETITIVE."
authors[408] = ""
 quotes[409] = "She is not a SLUT - She is SEXUALLY EXTROVERTED."
authors[409] = ""
 quotes[410] = "She does not have MAJOR LEAGUE HOOTERS - She is PECTORALLY SUPERIOR."
authors[410] = ""
 quotes[411] = "She is not a TWO-BIT WHORE - She is a LOW COST PROVIDER"
authors[411] = ""
 quotes[412] = "Nothing can burst your parental bubble faster than hearing your daughter come home from a date and saying, 'Some nights I don't know why I even bother to wear panties.'"
authors[412] = ""
 quotes[413] = "I don't know why my girlfriend is so proud of her new nursing degree. After all, the babies do most of the work."
authors[413] = ""
 quotes[414] = "The sexiest quality any woman can possibly possess is willingness."
authors[414] = ""
 quotes[415] = "I have always dreamed of being in bed with a hot woman. Little did I know I would have to wait until she reached menopause."
authors[415] = ""
 quotes[416] = "My faith in mankind is nearly restored. One more six-pack oughta do it."
authors[416] = ""
 quotes[417] = "Baseball is wrong: man with four balls cannot walk."
authors[417] = ""
 quotes[418] = "War does not determine who is right. War determines who is LEFT."
authors[418] = ""
 quotes[419] = "Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue"
authors[419] = ""
 quotes[420] = "Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them"
authors[420] = ""
 quotes[421] = "If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it"
authors[421] = ""
 quotes[422] = "When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane"
authors[422] = ""
 quotes[423] = "Birthdays are good for you. The more you have, the longer you live"
authors[423] = ""
 quotes[424] = "You may be only one person in the world, but you may also be the world to one person"
authors[424] = ""
 quotes[425] = "Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once"
authors[425] = ""
 quotes[426] = "The difference between the Pope and your boss...the Pope only expects you to kiss his ring"
authors[426] = ""
 quotes[427] = "My mind works like lightning. One brilliant flash and it is gone."
authors[427] = ""
 quotes[428] = "A blonde said, 'I was worried that my mechanic might try to rip me off. I was relieved when he told me all I needed was turn signal fluid.'"
authors[428] = ""

 
// Under Microsoft Internet Explorer, Math.random is seeded the exact same
// way every time, so the random number generator does not work.
aString = navigator.appVersion        // Get browser version
if (aString.indexOf("MSIE") > 0)
    {
        // Microsoft Internet Explorer
        theTime = new Date();
        a = theTime.getTime();
        b = quotes.length;
        index = (a - (Math.floor(a/b))*b)
    }
else
    {
        // *NOT* using Microsoft Internet Explorer
        var randNum = Math.random();
        index = Math.floor(quotes.length * randNum);
    }

// The following line is only for testing.
//document.writeln("The random number we chose was "+index+"\n");

//display the quotation
document.write("<Center>");
//document.write("<DL>");
document.write("<DT>" + "\"" +  quotes[index] + "\"\n");
document.write("<DD>" + "-- " + authors[index] + "\n");
document.write("</Center>");
//document.write("</DL>\n");
//done -->