Note to all users of the English language
                        January 23, 1996
Because of the frequent and flagrant misuse of some of the language's
more elegant verbs phrases, certain expressions are no longer accepted.

When they are used, the person to whom these expressions are directed
will simply not understand, and that person will then either ask the
speaker to repeat oneself, or simply walk away frustrated, shaking his
head.

To wit:
"It's like" no longer means "Hey, watch, I'm about to make a cute
expression on my face, and maybe even gesticulate a little". "It's like"
will now mean "it is similar to..." "It's like" and "like" can no longer
be used as a vocalized pause, or to fill up empty air space. From now
on, "Uh", "Um", or "Duh" are acceptable, just like they used to be. You
can even use the expressions "I mean" and "y'know". From now on, "like"
will mean "is endeared to".

"I'm like" no longer means "This is what I said". It will now mean "I
have the following condition or similarity to...".

To further conjugate "I'm like", the following definitions will now be
used.
"You're like":   You have the condition of or are similar to
"He's like":     He has the condition of or is similar to
"She's like":    Same as above, only applying to the feminine gender
"We're like":    We have the condition of or are similar to
"They're like":  They have the condition of or are similar to
	
Use of these expressions is also no longer socially acceptable. It will
be like wearing a baseball cap indoors. People will laugh at you behind
your back. People will talk about you. They may even decide to get
revenge. They may slip you a bar of soap, or worse yet, wear a baseball 
cap, t-shirt, and sneakers to your wedding reception, or on a date with 
your daughter.

The IRS may start taxing you for every time you use the word "like" when
you don't mean "fond of".

Finally, you will have nightmares of dictionaries and English books
being tossed to you by graying, distinguished-looking English teachers.
What then????